Last winter, with all the terrible ice and snow, I fell and broke my arm. While I was waiting for surgery, I slept in a recliner in the family room so I would not accidentally roll over on my arm. Throughout that week, I found myself waking up during the night and turning on EWTN programming.

What an unexpected blessing I received, because a priest on a program late at night spoke about the Holy Spirit. This brief, unassuming, late-night presentation has changed forever my perception of the relationship between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

This is what he said. Jesus, in his obedience to the Father, went to his cross. He was put to death in a horrific and torturous way, a method perfected by the Romans to inflict maximal pain, suffering and public humiliation. When I taught about the cross and Jesus’ passion and death to my students as a religion teacher, they said, “We had no idea Jesus suffered so much!”

When he died and went to the Father, the priest continued, Jesus was enveloped in the beauty and love of God. When the Father greeted his Son, he was delighted with Jesus’ obedience and trust in what he had been asked to do. From this mutual love and appreciation between the Father and Son, the Holy Spirit is released! The Holy Spirit, this priest said, is the outpouring of love between the Father and the Son, and it is this same Holy Spirit who speaks to us, inspiring us to act with courage, obedience and trust.

How does this relate to marriage? If we are willing to see our spouse with eyes of love and appreciation, seeing them as a gracious gift God has given to us, there will be an outpouring of love for each other in our union. When I was a therapist, I would say to my couples, “In marriage, we do not give 50-50. We give 100-100. We must be ready to give our very best in our marriage, especially when our spouse is hurting and unable to give.” The commitment we make to our marriage requires 100% of our effort.

ACTION PLAN

• Be open to the movement of the Holy Spirit in your marriage. Why wait for your anniversary? Contact your priest and ask if he will bless your marriage as you continue to love and protect each other. Shield your spouse with your love.
• Be attentive to self-care this month so you are fortified and able to give 100%, if that is needed.

During those hurting times, we must rely on the Holy Spirit to fill us with his strength and his compassion for our spouse. The Holy Spirit is the love expressed between the Father and the Son, and the outpouring nature of the Trinity will be enough for us.

In “Gaudium et spes,”  the Vatican II document on “The Church in the Modern World,” the council states, “spouses … are fortified and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and dignity of their state by a special sacrament; fulfilling their conjugal and family role by virtue of this sacrament, spouses are penetrated with the spirit of Christ and their whole life is suffused by faith, hope, and charity; thus they increasingly further their own perfection and their mutual sanctification, and together they render glory to God” 48.

When we trust the Trinity to help us, we will not be abandoned or dismissed, but rather fortified by power and strength to continue to say a dynamic “yes” to our marriage, creating a lasting and loving union for our mutual sanctification, providing a loving witness to society. The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains, “in the epiclesis of this sacrament the spouses receive the Holy Spirit as the communion of love of Christ and the Church. The Holy Spirit is the seal of their covenant, the ever-available source of their love and the strength to renew their fidelity” 1624.

What a blessing our faith tradition provides for us!

Soucheray is a licensed marriage and family therapist emeritus and a member of St. Ambrose in Woodbury.