When someone says they see a perfect family, I say look deeper. Families are messy, unpredictable and stressful. That is because human relationships are chaotic and capricious, and a family is the deepest form of being in relationship with others.

Early in our human history, when the soul of the human person was created by God and we ultimately turned away from him, the chance for perfect families vanished as well.

We must expect the hardships that accompany sin in ourselves and those we love deeply.

Acknowledging every person’s falleness and its impact on those nearest to us is important for us as the Church so that we can serve each other charitably and with immense mercy. God never called us to be alone.

From the very beginning, the family was created in a special way to provide a plan of support to endure our own trials and the trials of those we are closest to.

For all of the dysfunction that happens in our families’ lives, God has a plan to root those ills. He gave us the Church for the wounded so that we may grow in holiness. The Church is not necessary if all are perfect and without blemishes or adversities.

We must begin by looking first to Christ and his Church when seeking to address those troubles that cause us distress. We ought to engage necessary professionals, but looking outside the home and Church first can often deepen the dysfunction and leave those who God has intended to be your support underutilized in a families’ healing.

God created a plan to bring harmony to our falleness. He gave us the family structure to be the immediate helper, and the network of fellow families to be the secondary support serving as a tangible fount of God’s love and mercy. It is that fount that can bring the joy we seek and the healing we need.

Kneepkens is director of marriage and family life for the Diocese of Duluth.