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Thursday, March 28, 2024

‘Synod at Home’ hosts put faith first in their family of nine

Pat and Kenna Millea
Pat and Kenna Millea enjoy a moment with their daughter Lucia after Pat washes her hands and feet following brunch at their West St. Paul home Jan. 30. DAVE HRBACEK | THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT DAVE HRBACEK | THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT

Even on video, Pat and Kenna Millea come across as people who would make good friends — and who are good friends. In a 1-minute, 48-second promo for the Archdiocesan Synod’s upcoming “Synod at Home” series, they exude an inviting combination of warmth, humor and pragmatism.

“So you’ve probably heard that we as an archdiocese are in the middle of a Synod process right now,” Pat says, and explains that “Synod at Home: Tips and Tools for Growing in Faith” is designed to help Catholics — as individuals or households — discern a practical plan that helps them live their faith intentionally.

“Because if you’re anything like us, life seems to pass by pretty fast,” Kenna adds.

“So fast,” Pat confirms. “I mean, you’ve got your work, you’ve got your kids — if you’re like us, you’ve got a lot of kids” (they’re parents of seven, age 10 and under) — “projects around the house, you get a few moments to catch up during the day, maybe prayer time before meals and before you know it” — he snaps his fingers — “the day is done.”

Their Christian witness and experience as public speakers led the Milleas to be tapped at the recommendation of faith formation directors in the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis to be the series’ main presenters. And, when it comes to prioritizing one’s relationship with God amid a demanding schedule, they know what they’re talking about. Pat, 39, is the director of senior high youth ministry at St. Joseph in West St. Paul, their parish. Kenna, 38, once also worked in faith formation, but is now a marriage and family therapist with her own practice. Their children — Ella Clare, Xavier, Trey, Damien, Juliana, Cora and Lucia — include a set of 21-month-old twins and a 9-month-old baby.

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For the Milleas, rooting their lives in the Catholic faith means letting their children know they’re called to be saints, affirming them when they see them growing in virtue and celebrating their different gifts. A quote from C.S. Lewis is posted in several places around their house (and in Pat’s email signature): “How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been; how gloriously different are the saints.”

Pat Millea plays with twin daughters Juliana, left, and Cora. DAVE HRBACEK | THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT DAVE HRBACEK | THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT

‘Fully, holistically Catholic’

Pat grew up in Davenport, Iowa. Kenna grew up in Orlando, but has always loved the Midwest, particularly Minnesota (her father, golf instructor Brad Brewer, is from Winona). They met while undergraduates at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, but didn’t start dating until they were both in a Notre Dame graduate program for Church ministry professionals and living in Indianapolis. The day after Pat proposed, Kenna moved several states west to take a faith formation job at St. Ambrose in Woodbury. (“Which feels great when you propose to a woman and she says yes, but then moves another 400 miles away farther,” Pat said with a laugh in a Jan. 18 interview with The Catholic Spirit.) They married in July 2009 at St. Ambrose.

Kenna later took a faith formation job at Our Lady of Peace in Minneapolis and did some chaplaincy training, which helped her discern a calling to work as a therapist. She graduated with a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from St. Mary’s University of Minnesota in Minneapolis in 2016, and last year became fully licensed. After moving to Minnesota in 2009, Pat worked in youth ministry at Our Lady of Grace in Edina and St. Michael in Prior Lake before taking his current position in 2019.

Both grew up Catholic, but their faith matured through the influence of faithful adults. Kenna said she’s always been attracted to people “who live life well” and seeks them out as mentors. Pat said a high school youth minister with a genuine love of the Lord was pivotal in his own faith journey.

They give the five-part “Synod at Home” series a casual feel, speaking directly into the camera while sitting together in a living room on a blue couch. The series includes other Catholics sharing short testimonies, but the Milleas provide what Pat calls “the meat”: the catechetical and practical substance of each session, with witness from their own lives.

“Synod at Home” was developed for Year Two of preparation for the 2022 Archdiocesan Synod, a weekend event that will help Archbishop Bernard Hebda set priorities for the local Church. The weekly series takes the form of videos posted on Thursdays during Lent, Feb. 18 through March 18. It aims to help Catholics develop a “Faith Plan,” drawn from a family faith plan developed by Dave and Megan Rahe, parishioners of Holy Name of Jesus in Medina.

The series takes the principles of listening, discernment and action on a path forward and applies them to home life, what an individual and family does as Catholics, said Pat, a member of the Synod executive committee. “Which really, the best version of a synod and the best version of a family follow those principles anyway, so it’s really just a better way to be fully, holistically Catholic,” he said. “It’s a series that gets at that idea of helping families listen to each other, pray together, take action together.”

Xavier Milea (red sweater) reads a Gospel passage to, clockwise from lower right, Trey, Juliana, Pat, Damien and Ella Clare.
Xavier Millea (red sweater) reads a Gospel passage to, clockwise from lower right, Trey, Juliana, Pat, Damien and Ella Clare. DAVE HRBACEK | THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT

Shaping family culture

Because of their faith, the Milleas have long been intentional about prioritizing family life. “Our vocations as spouses and parents is primary,” Kenna said, which means “letting our family life really get its culture, get its flavor, from living out our faith.”

They allow the Church to shape even how they mark time through the liturgical calendar, by feasts and fasts, and “the rhythm of the Lord’s day and going to Mass.” They connect as a family through regular prayer, pray with each other in important moments and bless one another.

Pat and Kenna also view their work as ministry. For Pat, that might be self-evident, but for Kenna, “understanding that is part of our call, and that what we do in our professional work enhances what we do here in (the) home as family.”

But, when it comes to work, they keep family first. They’ve turned down opportunities for continuing education and public speaking when the request meant too much time away from home, they said. The same goes for kids’ activities: So far, they’ve chosen not to join traveling sports teams, and favor extracurricular activities that allow more than one of their kids to participate at the same time.

In an August 2020 virtual interview with Bloomington-based Partnership for Youth, they addressed how they focus on their family while juggling the uneven demands of their jobs. Neither works a 9-5 day. Key to managing their family’s logistics is Pat and Kenna’s weekly meeting, scheduled for every Tuesday night. That meeting is all business — they go over schedules and assign tasks — but it allows them to keep household logistics separate from date nights and make sure they’re sticking to their priorities.

Among those priorities is their participation in Teams of Our Lady, an international lay movement that aims to enrich marriage spirituality. It’s structured through small groups that meet monthly, and it provides “endeavors” that couples do to help them grow in their marriage and faith.

JOIN ‘SYNOD AT HOME’The Synod at Home series’ videos include helpful instruction and testimonies with practical tips and tools for growing in faith, paired with family-friendly activities based on four pillars: Prayer and Sacraments, Lifelong Learning, Generosity and Service, and Traditions and Fun. Each video and accompanying materials will be posted on Thursdays in Lent, Feb. 18-March 18, at archspm.org/synod.

There’s not one part of their family life that their faith doesn’t touch, Pat told The Catholic Spirit.

“And not just touch in a peripheral way, but (there’s no part of life that) isn’t totally grounded on (faith), like, what activities are we going to sign our kids up for?,” he said. “At the heart of that, it’s rooted in our priorities and our time. And what we want to dedicate ourselves to, and how are we going to spend our money and what vacations are we going to go on? How are we going to work out visiting family for vacations? And stuff like all of that serves this greater relationship with God that’s at the center of everything we do.”

He said that living out one’s faith is “as simple as that, which is pretty convicting and encouraging, right?” But, he added, “obviously there’s a big difference between simple and easy.”

Clockwise from left, Trey, Lucia, Kenna, Cora, Xavier, Damien, Juliana, Pat and Ella Clare Millea pray before brunch. DAVE HRBACEK | THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT

Different seasons, different expressions

As parents, they strive to recognize their children’s individual strengths and temperaments and how they express their own faith. One of their children is particularly introspective and inclined to prayer and reflection, Kenna noted. Another child, whom she called “the quintessential cheerful giver,” is more active and inclined to acts of service.

With each child, Pat and Kenna aim “to acknowledge for them that those are all things needed in the kingdom and to say, ‘That is good, and you glorify God with that, and you’re gloriously different,’” Kenna said.

With all of their children, they work nugget-size truths of the faith into their daily conversations, even with the youngest members. One son asked repeatedly, “Am I a good boy?” and Kenna always responded with, “Yes, because God made you, and God makes good things.”

In a large family, children learn from one another, so some of their faith formation is intentional, and some happens organically, the Milleas said. They’re mindful not to “water down the faith,” Kenna said.

How faith is expressed in their home reflects their season of life as parents of young children, and “different seasons call us to different types of prayer and different expressions of our relationship with God,” Kenna said. “When I invest in a prayer time, I instantly see fruit in my ability to be a wife and mother.”

Kenna Millea helps her son Trey light a candle before brunch. In the background are Xavier, left, and Damien. DAVE HRBACEK | THE CATHOLIC SPIRIT

Kenna said she leverages technology to aid her prayer life, using prayer apps to guide a morning prayer routine and listening to prayers such as the litany of humility or the rosary while she’s getting her kids ready for the day or doing household tasks. In the late evenings, she strives to take time for more personal forms of prayer. Pat said he thrives on extemporaneous worship with others, but he aims to also include more meditative prayer forms, like the rosary, in his day.

On their way to school, Pat and the older children listen to the daily readings. He keeps a 6 p.m. alarm on his phone, and when it rings, everyone stops to pray the evening Angelus. The goal, he said, is to teach his children that they need to commit to prayer, even when it’s inconvenient. They also mark milestones such as birthdays and the first day of school by calling for God’s blessings on the person and their endeavors. It’s also a time to reinforce each child’s identity as a son or daughter of God, they said.

The Milleas are the first to acknowledge that their family life is a work in progress, and it’s only one example of living out faith at home. They recommend that people look for faith mentors and like-minded friends who can share in their faith journey, such as by joining a parish small group.

Pat noted that getting to know people who have deep faith can be inspiring and motivating, but sometimes people find it discouraging, as if faith is “a genetic trait,” or a natural talent or proclivity, and they just missed out. But that’s not the case, he said.

“Faith is just a relationship, so if you put in the time and effort, and if you’re honest with God, you will grow in faith, period,” he said. “There’s no secret. This is not some exclusive club for the holy. This is just for people who want to know how much God loves them, and they want to know why they’re here.”

The “Synod at Home” series is for any Catholic, no matter where he or she is in relationship with God, Kenna said. “The overall take-home,” she said, “is that this is for every one of us, and it’s for right now — like, there’s something you can be doing right now.”

 


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