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Parents: Do you remember your life ‘before kids’? |
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By Emilie Lemmons
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Monday, 13 October 2008 |
Steve and I took the boys to an apple orchard one sunny Saturday this month. We mostly watched and supervised as 2-year-old Daniel looked at the goats at the petting zoo, climbed up hay bales and rode a pony.
Notes From a New Mom
Emilie Lemmons
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I spent a good 20 minutes holding places in line and another 20 minutes feeding 6-month-old Ben at a picnic table while Daniel rode around on a miniature tractor.
It was a wonderful afternoon. Even though I hadn’t a chance to do anything for myself, the fun of watching Daniel have a good time made my day. And that was kind of a revelation.
I said as much to Steve on the drive home, and we got to reminiscing about what our lives were like before we had kids.
 Before kids
Before kids, we would have strolled around the orchard holding hands,
kissing, maybe picking apples and sipping cups of cider or wine. Now,
we were totally focused on watching the kids enjoy themselves.
Before kids, we might have made a spontaneous stop at a bookstore or
movie theater on the way home. Now, we had to get home so we could put
Daniel and Ben down for their naps.
Before kids, I used to go to the mall and buy clothes for myself. I was
a compulsive shoe shopper. Now, I ooh and aah over boy clothes, and my
own wardrobe is stuck somewhere in mommy casual. I haven’t bought
myself a new pair of shoes in more than a year.
Before kids, I tried to ignore construction zones when I drove past
them, deeming them unattractive. Now, I get excited when I see a
backhoe or a crane and think, “Daniel would love this!”
Before kids, I spent a lot of time reading about personality types,
analyzing my dreams, going to spiritual direction and doing other
introspective exercises in an effort to understand myself better. Now,
I feel out of touch with that self. And that is both scary and freeing.
I suspect I am not alone. I have a feeling many parents stop short some
days in the early years of their children’s lives and ask themselves
what became of the people they used to be before their hearts were
grasped by the demands of little creatures who depend so utterly on
them.
“Making the decision to have a child — it’s momentous. It is to decide
forever to have your heart go walking outside your body,” says a
popular quotation by teacher and author Elizabeth Stone.
My life is no longer about me alone, or even just about Steve and me as
a couple. Yet our boys are such a precious part of our lives that we
are all intertwined.
Our selves and our fates are wrapped up together, and our love for them is a sort of love for ourselves, too.
Do we carry God’s heart?
Thinking about the mysteries of parenthood often makes me think about our relationship with God.
We humans, with all our demands and insecurities and joys and sorrows —
are we carrying God’s heart around, just as our children carry ours? If
so, I can only imagine how full and loving that heart must be when God
looks over his creation every day.
If we are the embodiments of God’s love, what a deep and awesome responsibility we have to use that gift wisely.
In the car that day, I asked Steve, “Would you go back to those times before kids?”
His answer was a quick and definite no.
I wouldn’t, either — although I’d love the chance to pop into a
bookstore on the spur of the moment again. I guess that’s what
babysitters are for.
Besides, I can’t let myself forget that before kids, I used to pray that God would give me children.
Now, I cannot imagine my life without them.
Emilie Lemmons and her family live in St. Paul and are members of
St. Thomas More in St. Paul and the Basilica of St. Mary in
Minneapolis. Her e-mail address is
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
, and her blog is at www.lemmondrops.blogspot.com.
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