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At son's prompting, Dad rethinks work schedule |
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By Tom Bengtson
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Wednesday, 18 March 2009 |
I told my kids at dinner that I would be gone the next evening. I explained that I had to attend a trade show on Friday and Saturday. Susan and I had talked about my plans earlier, but the news surprised our four kids.
Commentary
Tom Bengtson
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They sighed when they realized Dad wouldn’t be home on “family movie night,” a tradition at our house on Fridays. John, 11, really took issue with me.
“Where’s the meeting?” he asked.
“Alexandria,” I answered.
“How far away is that?”
“About 145 miles.”
“Your meetings last all day?”
“No. They run from 8 until noon, both Friday and Saturday.”
“So what are you going to do Friday afternoon and evening?” John asked.
“I’m bringing some work with me.”
“Dad, you could come home. It’s only a two-and-a-half-hour drive.”
“That wouldn’t be very convenient,” I said.
“Dad, what would you rather do: work or be home with us?”
“Wow,” I answered. “Let’s not talk about this any more.” We finished the meal, mostly in silence.
I thought about what John said. He was right. I could come home Friday
afternoon and return early Saturday morning. It would mean some extra
gas, but even at $2 a gallon that’s still less money than the cost of a
night in a hotel.
Early Friday morning, I left for the meeting without my overnight bag.
I resolved to come home that afternoon and return for the remainder of
the meeting on Saturday. The Bengtson family ended up having a very
nice Friday evening together. I got a few hours of time with the kids
that I otherwise would have missed. Susan seemed happy about my
decision, too.
When I returned to Alexandria on Saturday, my colleagues at the trade
show asked where I was late Friday. They couldn’t believe I drove back
to the Twin Cities. But I think my answer made them think a little,
especially when I pulled out the wallet photos of my kids. Many of
these guys are dads, too. Sometimes example can send a powerful message
about what’s important in life.
Lessons learned
I’ve drawn a few conclusions about this experience:
First, John’s provocative question, although sincere, was unfair. For
most breadwinners in any household, family and work go together. They
do not constitute an “either/or” proposition. We need our family and we
need our work. The trick isn’t choosing one over the other; the trick
is figuring out how to choose both.
Second, the kids really do care what I do. Sometimes a dad might feel
unappreciated as everyone in the household goes about their business.
But now I am sure the kids want to know what Dad does when he goes off
to work every day. I resolve to do a better job telling my kids about
my work.
Third, it pays to listen to your kids. I wouldn’t have considered
traveling back home on Friday without the prompting of my boy. I am not
saying that I would always do as my kids suggest, but I am certain it
is usually worthwhile to consider their wishes.
Next year, this industry meeting will take place in Wisconsin Dells,
Wis. Given the four-hour drive from the Twin Cities, I won’t be able to
travel back and forth for an extra evening at home. I guess I’m just
going to have to bring the whole family with me.
Tom Bengtson, a small-business owner, is a 2008 recipient of the
Leading with Faith award from The Catholic Spirit. He writes about the
integration of faith and work at www.GEOprinciple.com.
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